Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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