Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
