its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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