Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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