there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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