My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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