Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
