i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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