Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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