ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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