he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
So squirting runs in the family.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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