im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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