we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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