this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
