i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
