Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
