i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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