dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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