I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
