I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
