So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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