Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
