just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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