If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
