There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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