all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
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