i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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