I look better un-naked...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
