Plan B is the new Plan A
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
farters have to be the big spoon...
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Randomize
