I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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