I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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