I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
