do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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