Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
