if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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