Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize