My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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