It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
