she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
bring money and cleavage
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
