You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
