dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
