i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
