Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Shame is for Republicans.
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