Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
