i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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