I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
