is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
