Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
