if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
