I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Randomize
