I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
How does one acquire holy water?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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