rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
