so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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