she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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