I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
