I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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