She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
