Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
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I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
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I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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