dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
