Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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