could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
